Seriously, have you read some of the shit that people post in the "free" section of Craigslist? Go there right now - it's under "for sale". You'll thank me later for the laugh.
Let's review some of the treasures I've been browsing -
Chicken Beverage Coasters: There are so many ways to read this one. Is it a coaster that holds chicken-flavored beverages? Or maybe it is a coaster shaped like a chicken? Or is it a coaster hand-whittled out of slices of chicken? Luckily, there is a shitty photo and it appears to be a set of four crappy circular coasters accompanied by a very large, awkward chicken-shaped coaster holder. The poor papa chicken doesn't even have feet. The insanity! Wait, it gets better. I can only assume this is a passive-aggressive cat lady trying to make a few bucks so she can buy more cats, thus the threatening ALL CAPS lock on certain phrases: "YOU MUST PICK UP" and "TOO MANY NO SHOWS". Idiot.
Dog Bones: This sounds fairly normal, right? Maybe their dog passed and they want the bones to go to a nice home. Apparently these items for sale are not the traditional dog bones I'm thinking of. No no no, these are described as "previously chewed beef femur bones". What the fuck? I'm officially creeped the fuck out. This dude also has an issue with sentence construction and grammar - "If your interested, please tell me how many your interested in if pieces and a phone number". I would rather swallow phosphoric acid then give this creeper my digits.
100 Gallons of Vegetable Oil: OMFG this can't be real. This posting says that this poor schmuck purchased the seemingly empty tank at an auction for "a project" and when he got home it was filled with vegetable oil. How pissed would you be if you were trying to design a spacecraft and when you bought a tank, it turned out to be filled with cooking oil? PISSED! I should give this dude a call, he left his digits for me: "330- 988 - zero five two eight" Thank you Jesus - he typed out the last four numbers - I was growing tired of reading actual numbers anyway.
Stay tuned for Crapslist Part 2.
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