Knowing myself as well as I do, it was best that the amount of time between our "engagement" to the day we said "sure, why not" was exactly three months. There was just enough time for me to plan the essentials, but not enough time to freak the fuck out over ridiculous details that I would only end up kicking myself later for ever caring about. If any more time were given, I surely would have ended up sucker-punching puppies.
A couple days after Rigatoni and I finally set a date, I decided that finding the dress would really make the rest of the planning more organized. It must have been some sort of wedding-planning miracle, because the first dress I tried on fit perfectly and didn't cost one-million dollars. There weren't any idiots with me ooooo-ing and ahhhh-ing at the dress or anyone getting all emotional about an ivory sheet of material - I hate that shit. Being the modern people we are, I put the dress on hold so Rigatoni could come back with me a few hours later to see it before I made the purchase. Dress: check.
The following day, I drove the dress to another location to be altered. When I say "altered", I mean shortened to cocktail length: I wouldn't be caught dead in a ridiculous floor-length gown. Oh god, I just barfed a little bit thinking about that. Here is how the alteration session went:
Chinese Lady: Oh hai, are you JD?
JD: Yes, I called. I have my wedding dress and I need to have it shortened.
Chinese Lady: Okay, you go try on and come out and I shorten for you.
JD: Perfect. *tries on dress*
Chinese Lady: Okay, we make long dress this short. *motioning with pins in mouth*
JD: No no no. Here give me the dress. THIS short. *hikes dress to knee-length*
Chinese Lady: You make long dress short??
JD: Yes! The LONG DRESS needs to be SHORT.
Chinese Lady: You make long dress short.
JD: Yes yes. This LONG DRESS needs to be THIS SHORT. *more motioning to knee-length*
Chinese Lady: Hmm, okay. Long dress be made SHORT.
JD: How long have I been here? It's like hours have passed. I'm starting to sweat. And I'm hungry.
Chinese Lady: What?
JD: Nevermind.
It took all of me not to walk into speeding traffic.
To be continued...
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